Dear Cancer, Now You've Just Pissed Me Off!

So my fourth and final round of AC, not so great. I ended up in the ER Friday night. I felt great Thursday and most of the day Friday but about 4pm on Friday, I started getting really tired and my stomach started cramping some. So when Kevin got home, I had some soup, regular meds, and anti-nausea meds then I went upstairs and was asleep by 6pm. Didn’t hear him put the kids to bed and I didn’t hear my parents and Aunt get here. And at 9pm the fun began. I threw up so I texted Kevin to bring me some crushed ice and 7-up. (That’s what we do in my house, we text each other. Silly I know but it works.) So up he came with my drink. No fever. Stomach cramping. Body aching. Will try to go back to sleep. 10pm threw up again. Texted Kevin. It was decided to call doctor and see what they suggest. Anti-nausea meds not doing their job at this point. My oncologist called back within 10 minutes and told Kevin to take me to ER for fluids and to get checked out. I didn’t feel like moving much less getting in the car and driving to the ER on a Friday night but I knew I would just continue to feel worse if I didn’t. Luckily, mom was able to stay here with the kids while Kevin, Dad and Aunty Sissy went to the ER with me. Throw up again in Kevin’s truck on the way to the hospital. When we get there, they get us back right away and get me set up for the fluids. I now have a slight fever of 101.5. Throw up two more times while waiting for anti-nausea meds to start coursing through my veins. Very dehydrated by this time. And very tired. Doctor comes in and does his assessment. Blood work showed my WBC was very high which he believes may either be an infection or the result of the Neulasta shot I have to have the day after chemo to help my white cells grow to fight infection. But he is concerned it is so high it is probably infection. Suckage. Sets me up for chest xray to check lungs and heart and CT scan to check my belly since it was a little tender when he pushed on it. Which is probably from me throwing up five times in two hours but as always, let’s check to be on the safe side. There was talk of admitting me which really made me sad. But both of those tests came back good and the fluids and anti-nausea meds did their trick and soon I was feeling better. The ER doctor called the doctor on call for my oncologist who suggested giving me an Rx for a different anti-nausea med and an anti-biotic just to be on the safe side. If I could show them I could hold down Tylenol for the fever and the anti-biotic, they would let me go home and I wouldn’t have to be admitted. YES! Come on tummy, don’t fail me now. It worked; I was able to keep it down so we got home sometime between 3-4 am. Slept most of Saturday and still feeling pretty crappy today but not nauseous so rest should do the trick.


So, here is what really pissed me off and got me “mad dog mean”. (Another quote from one of my favorite cancer ass kickers.) I’ve read several times and don’t know who originally said it and I am paraphrasing but they are right on: Cancer sometimes tends to be harder on those who love us than it is on the patient itself. The first time I saw the look in my husband and sister’s eyes when I got sick after round two I knew what that meant. The absolute hopelessness they feel from not being able to make be better, the worry and sadness in their eyes that they can’t hide no matter how hard they try. And this weekend, bastard cancer made my parent’s see me sick and I saw the same looks of despair on their faces. I can’t even come close to know what it feels like having a spouse, sibling, parent, or child with cancer and I obviously pray I never do. I don’t think I would handle that as well as having cancer myself. So cancer has that against it but then it made me miss my nephew Nolan’s sixth birthday party. And when he called me that afternoon to thank me for the present and then he said, “I wish you could have been here”, I had to fight hard so he wouldn’t hear his Aunt Turtle cry. Mad dog mean all over again. I know there will be other parties and as soon as I feel better I am taking him out to make up for the fun and celebrating I missed but I wanted to be there. This was the first “real” thing I had to miss due to cancer and its bastard self. It’s going to take me a while to get over this one. But you know what? The fuel to kick this cancer’s ass is stronger than ever.

I will end on a good note. The adorable man, Mr. Mike, who performed my CT Scan asked what type of cancer I have and when I told him he said, “Well, I am very sorry and I know this chemo is making you miserable but sweetheart, it must be doing a great job because I can’t even see any lesions in that area with the CT Scan.” How’s that for telling cancer to suck it!?

Love to all.