The Chemo Made Me Do It!

Until recently, doctors didn’t really recognize the existence of what is known so lovingly to us chemo patients as “chemo brain.” Now, there have been enough studies on the subject that doctors are coming around. The American Cancer Society defines chemo brain as a mental cloudiness that is caused by changes to the brain that deal with memory, planning, putting thoughts together, monitoring thought processes and behavior and inhibition. Now most people have issues from time to time but I’m here to tell you folks, this chemo brain is no laughing matter. Well, wait, yeah it is actually. It can be downright hysterical sometimes. So here are a few things I have done that I would like to blame on Chemo:


• Left the front door wide open for who knows how long. I only noticed it was open because Kaia came up to me and said, “I don’t think you are supposed to leave that door open because I could get out.”

• One night I knew I had gotten two nighttime diapers out for the kids but couldn’t find them anywhere. The next day while doing laundry, I found them in the dryer.

• Now, my sister can probably tell you more about this but I have a horrible time telling stories and forming my thoughts into actual sentences when talking. Many times when talking to her, I’ll try multiple times to tell a story and finally in the middle just say, “Forget it, I’m done with that story.”

• I found myself standing at the front door trying to lock it with my car alarm. Had the alarm pointed to the lock and was pushing the lock button over and over again. Finally, the repeated honking of my car brought me out of my fog and I realized what I was doing.

• Here’s one that everyone can relate to because I am sure it has happened to you. It happened to me before chemo but now it happens about 100 times more often. I get to a room and can’t remember why I went in there. I start to do something and then in the middle forget what it was I was doing.

• The latest thing I have done is put my book in the fridge. I looked all over the house for it and then about an hour later I went to the fridge to get some OJ and there it was nice and chilled.

So as funnier things happen I will let you know but for now if I do something stupid around you, you know it’s the chemo. :)

Love to all.

Are you a Tigger or Eeyore?

Round four done – only eight more to go! I have been doing really well with the Taxol. I have pretty constant body and muscle aches but nothing that prohibits me from going on about my day. I get pretty tired by about 6 or so every night. That actually works out well because we put the kids to bed at 7 so by the time I am wiped out they are going to bed. The nurse that gave me my third treatment said that the doses of Taxol I am getting shouldn’t cause hair loss so my hair should start growing back soon. However, that was a bunch of crap. My eye lashes have started to say fall out. When I met with Lisa (she is who I meet with when oncologist isn’t available) she actually noticed my eye lashes. She is the first person who has noticed. Well, the first person who has said anything anyway. Who knows how many people have actually noticed! Anyway, I told her what the nurse said and she disagreed. She said it would take weeks after the Taxol for my hair to grow back and while it is unusual that you lose your eyelashes or eye brows on Taxol when you didn’t on AC it does happen. I reminded her that not much about my cancer falls in the “usual category” and she said, “Well, let’s not be surprised about your eye lashes then!” By the way, she tells everyone the story about Kaia asking if I was mommy or daddy when I shaved my head. Kaia stories are everywhere! So I’m not really bummed about my hair. I would like to enjoy the short getting ready time and the hassle free head cover for a while longer anyway.


I just finished reading Randy Pausch’s book The Last Lecture. I actually picked it up before my diagnosis believe it or not but I was just able to finish it. It is a fabulous book and I highly recommend it. He was diagnosised with a terminal cancer (he died in 2008, I don’t say “lost his battle because I hate that phrase which I will probably blog about some day) and the book is a great inspiration to all. Many of you may remember the video that was circulated around the web a couple of years back of his last lecture. Here is the link to the site, you can watch the video if you are interested by clicking the link on the bottom left of the screen: http://www.thelastlecture.com/. Anyway, as I said it is a great book and I wanted to share something in it with you all. He talks about how people need to decide if they are a “fun-loving TIgger or a sad sack Eeyore.” Now I love Eeyore as much as the next person and I have enjoyed celebrating his birthday at an Austin festival on a couple of occasions but I don’t want to live my life like him. Why waste your life being a sad sack and complaining about everything and acting as if the world has it out for you, blaming everyone else for your “problems”. “Problems” in quotes because I think sad sack Eeyores make their “problems” 100% worse by having a feel sorry for me mentality and rarely do anything to change their situation. However, fun loving Tiggers bounce back from whatever life throws at them and they are always looking for fun in things and stay positive. That’s the way to be. I can’t imainge why anyone would want to be am Eeyore. And I also think it is important to surround yourself with other Tiggers. Eeyores just bring down those around them. (All the Eeyores out there are now blaming me for them not having any friends because I suggested you stay away from them.) I’m not saying we always have to be Tiggers, we can occasionally slip into Eeyore mode, just don’t stay there long. A great quote from Pausch’s book: “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”

I met a mother and son today at chemo. He is 22 and was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer. 22! He’s already had surgery to remove one testicle and now has started chemo. He is a ball of fun and energy. His mom is the same way. And guess what? His mom is battling ovarian cancer for the second time now. She too is in chemo. They go opposite weeks so she can be sure to take care of him. Mother and son both battling cancer. I was impressed by them and am lucky to have met two wonderful Tiggers. If they can be Tiggers, we all can.

Love to all!

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

My second Taxol is complete! I didn’t have any problems with the first round besides minor fatigue so fingers are crossed it stays that way. My treatment day is usually Wednesday but because of the holiday I went in on Thursday this week. Boy, am I glad I did! I found out that the first Thursday of every month is donut day! So from now on I may have a scheduling issue with the first week of every month and demand a Thursday treatment day.

Besides the donuts, there is another reason I am super glad I was there today instead of yesterday. As I am sitting in my chair I caught a glimpse of a man with long blonde hair and a blue bandanna strutting in the room like he owned the place. Holy crap that’s Bret Michaels! I almost peed my pants. But it wasn’t. It was even better. It was a middle aged man who was having some fun with his hair loss situation and I was lucky enough that he sat in my row. He had the outfit complete with ripped jeans and pointy cowboy boots. (The attached picture is of Bret Michaels, not the dude from chemo today. I just want everyone to know what he looks like. I’m kicking myself for not taking picture of the dude from today.) It was one of the best things I’ve seen. And for five minutes, our whole row of chemo patients rolled with laughter. And for those five minutes, he gave us the gift of forgetting we were all sitting in there fighting for our lives while poison is being pumped into our bodies to kill the poison that isn’t supposed to be there. And that was a great gift.

That got me thinking about Every Rose Has Its Thorn. (For those who don’t know, Bret Michaels was in one of my favorite bands from the 80s called Poison and they had a song called Every Rose Has Its Thorn. Just so you know where the logic is coming from. I’m not completely nuts. All though the song is about a girl and a breakup and that is not where I am going with this. But work with me people.) Call me cheesy but I thought, “Huh, life is like a rose.” (Insert Forest Gump mockery here.) See life is a beautiful and fragile thing, like a rose. Sure it has it’s thorns but the important part is not to let those thorns interfere with admiring the beauty of the rose itself. If you do get pricked by a thorn, cuss a little then go back to admiring the beauty. And let’s not forget that the thorns are there for a reason. To protect the rose (like from your dumb ass that got pricked by it). In life, whatever thorns we are forced to overcome serve to protect us. They protect us from forgetting how fragile life can be and they serve as a reminder to enjoy the beauty that is our life. And they give us strength and courage. Thank you to the man today who turned one of his “thorns” into entertainment and laughter.

Love to all.