My Date with Round Eight

Whoohoo! Round 8 is done! The cloudiness and fatigue seem to increase more and more on the actual day of chemo but with a great husband and his understanding work folks I am able to come home and rest well while he takes care of the kids after school. He's been working so much lately that his time with them as been limited so I thought of this as a little gift I would give all three of them today.  Hehe!  :)  They are doing excellent by the way. Kaia had some kind of illness this past weekend and early in the week but seems to be fine now and Caleb, well, he’s our little mischievous chunky monkey that gets into everything. What a lucky and blessed family we are!


The neuropathy still comes and goes. I was told today at my appointment to start taking two of the pills for it a day. I am going to have a practice round tomorrow after I drop the kids off at school. I normally take one at night right before bed but they may or may not knock me out so I will test them tomorrow when I am at home alone to see how that works. Stupid side effects. “May increase appetite.” Yep, that’s just what I need. I’ve already gained weight (yeah, yeah, I know better than having cancer and losing it. Whatever.) As a matter of fact, Texas Oncology just got a new computer system and is switching to a paperless system and this new system thought that it was necessary to point out that I have had a 5% weight gain since I started. I have a very great relationship with the PA and I didn’t hold back the few choice words I had for that POS computer. She of course thought that was hilarious (I was not joking). It’s not bad enough I have cancer; the computer has to taunt me with “fatty fatty two by four”? She then mentioned how unfair it is that most breast cancer patients gain weight (I looked it up when I got home and she wasn’t just saying that to make me feel better as I originally suspected.). I told her, “lost my Kaia weight, got preggers with Caleb, lost that weight and got breast cancer.” She asked how much weight I gained with my pregnancies. 50lbs with each. Yep, you heard me 50lbs. She said she can guarantee me I won’t gain 50lbs with cancer. At the rate I’m going, I just might. But I don’t think she said that as a challenge. Bastard cancer. I know it’s due to the drugs and probably has something to do with the chemo induced menopause but all of that is because of the cancer so it gets the blame. So what do we tell that cancer, Steph? SUCK IT!

So a few posts ago I briefly mentioned my beef with the phrase “lost his/her battle”. If you use this phrase please don’t feel like you need to stop or you will offend me (only big mouth computers offend me). It is simply a personal thing for me. The reason I don’t like it said that way is because I think the only way cancer ever wins is if a person lets it to break their spirit. If cancer is allowed to take over your life then yea, it wins. And I don’t mean getting sick or having sad days, I mean allowing it to break your spirit on a regular basis. We all have days when we cry, scream, cuss and get pissed off at the cards we have been dealt but then we realize “it’s how we play the hand” (Randy Pausch) and we pick our asses up and move on. And people can keep that spirit through their dying process. Many people do so on a daily basis. When my cousin’s grandmother passed away from cancer she said something like “gained her angel wings.” (Sorry if I misquoted and I am not giving this person credit because I didn’t ask if I could use her personal experience before I posted this. But trust me, she is a very wise and strong ass woman.) I like that saying and I am looking for more ways to dignify someone’s “loss of battle”. So if you have your own, please share, either in comment or a personal message to me. However you feel comfortable if you want to share at all. Below is a poem that is posted all around Texas Oncology and I am sure many cancer centers around the world. Many of you may have already seen it but it is always good to read again. I reread it every time I get off the elevator on Wednesday mornings, just as a reminder. If you have never seen it, I hope you enjoy. And I think you can substitute many of life’s bummers for the word cancer and it still works. As always, love to all.

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited…
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the spirit.