I let Kaia take to my bald head with some washable markers. Got to find ways to make Mom having cancer fun. How many kids can say they get to write on thier moms's head with markers? :) Love to all!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Am I Just Paranoid? Am I Just Stoned?
So did you hear Willie Nelson cut off his pig tails? I haven’t confirmed, but I’ve been told he did it to show support for me. Ok, you caught me. That is a total and complete lie. But I do think having his pig tails as a wig would so rock!! I already have the handkerchiefs, I just need the ponies!
I had round one of the Taxol today. It went really well. They had originally told me to plan on being there all day but we got there at 8:30 and were done by 12:30. And I actually didn’t start the actual treatment until about 10 because I had labs drawn and met with the oncologist first. I had to sit in one of the chairs by the nursing station (not the usual window seat I prefer) because there is a slight but serious risk of an allergic reaction to the Taxol so the crew needs to be close in the event that happens. They actually gave me some Benadryl via my port before the Taxol as precaution. My dad wanted to know how they would know if I had an allergic reaction if they gave me Benadryl first. Very good question and I forget to ask. I’ll try to remember next time. So when the nurse was hooking it up she said, “Now because you are so small, this will probably hit you like a really strong margarita.” My response was, “This is the best chemo round ever!” In reality, I thought, “Yep, you don’t know who you’re talking to woman. I grew up on the border. I took my sippy cup frozen with salt.” (You got to be tough to live on the border as my PaPa Roy would say.) Yeah, well, she knew exactly what she was talking about. About five minutes later, I was working and looked up to say something to Kevin and my mouth just didn’t work properly. Time to stop working before I do something stupid. So I kicked back in my chair with my pillow and blanket and enjoyed the buzz. It was the first time I ever watched TV while there. Usually I work, read or FB. Not today. Well, I did post the margarita thing on FB and spelled “strong” and “margarita” wrong so I quit. Once the Benadryl and anti-nausea meds were done, they hooked up the Taxol. They set it to drip very slowly at first to see how I would react to it and gave me a long laundry list of “if you feel this, call us immediately.” “If anything feels wrong at all, call us immediately. “ I have to admit, I was really nervous about the whole allergic reaction thing. I always get online to research this stuff before I go in to give me an idea of what to expect and I stupidly got caught up in a blog where everyone and their next door neighbor’s dog had a severe allergic reaction to it. Sure, I had found just as many people if not more that had gone through it just fine but come on we all know those are the boring stories. I wanted action and drama. Big mistake. As I am sitting in the chair and I start to worry about every little thing. “My finger just twitched. Should I call them?”. “My knee cap itches. Could it be an allergic reaction?”. “My ear hurts like crazy. This surely has to be an allergic reaction!” No, it wasn’t. I was just lying on my ear phones wrong. That’s when I realized that I was being paranoid. Wait, did that nurse say margarita or marijuana? Yet another reason to get my hands on those Willie ponies. Surely, they’d know. Anyway, every 15 minutes or so, they came to check on many and since I was doing well, they would increase the amount I was getting. I didn’t have any problems at all. (Well, with the exception of being loopy.) So we were all done, Kevin and I packed up our stuff, scheduled all of my treatments for June and headed out for a bite.
Oh yes, I almost forgot. My comment earlier about time to stop working before I do something stupid well I did stop working but about two hours ago, I sent a text message to my sister and the convo went like this:
Me: Willie cut his ponies off!
Her: LOL!
Me: Why are you loling? That doesn’t make you sad!?
Then I realized that the text message had not gone to my sister but to a professional contact of mine whose name also begins with a D. I quickly explained and he’s a cool cat so he got a good chuckle. I’m just thankful I didn’t use some of the names my sister and I lovingly call each other like “Bitch Face.” That would have required more splainin Lucy!
Love to all!
I had round one of the Taxol today. It went really well. They had originally told me to plan on being there all day but we got there at 8:30 and were done by 12:30. And I actually didn’t start the actual treatment until about 10 because I had labs drawn and met with the oncologist first. I had to sit in one of the chairs by the nursing station (not the usual window seat I prefer) because there is a slight but serious risk of an allergic reaction to the Taxol so the crew needs to be close in the event that happens. They actually gave me some Benadryl via my port before the Taxol as precaution. My dad wanted to know how they would know if I had an allergic reaction if they gave me Benadryl first. Very good question and I forget to ask. I’ll try to remember next time. So when the nurse was hooking it up she said, “Now because you are so small, this will probably hit you like a really strong margarita.” My response was, “This is the best chemo round ever!” In reality, I thought, “Yep, you don’t know who you’re talking to woman. I grew up on the border. I took my sippy cup frozen with salt.” (You got to be tough to live on the border as my PaPa Roy would say.) Yeah, well, she knew exactly what she was talking about. About five minutes later, I was working and looked up to say something to Kevin and my mouth just didn’t work properly. Time to stop working before I do something stupid. So I kicked back in my chair with my pillow and blanket and enjoyed the buzz. It was the first time I ever watched TV while there. Usually I work, read or FB. Not today. Well, I did post the margarita thing on FB and spelled “strong” and “margarita” wrong so I quit. Once the Benadryl and anti-nausea meds were done, they hooked up the Taxol. They set it to drip very slowly at first to see how I would react to it and gave me a long laundry list of “if you feel this, call us immediately.” “If anything feels wrong at all, call us immediately. “ I have to admit, I was really nervous about the whole allergic reaction thing. I always get online to research this stuff before I go in to give me an idea of what to expect and I stupidly got caught up in a blog where everyone and their next door neighbor’s dog had a severe allergic reaction to it. Sure, I had found just as many people if not more that had gone through it just fine but come on we all know those are the boring stories. I wanted action and drama. Big mistake. As I am sitting in the chair and I start to worry about every little thing. “My finger just twitched. Should I call them?”. “My knee cap itches. Could it be an allergic reaction?”. “My ear hurts like crazy. This surely has to be an allergic reaction!” No, it wasn’t. I was just lying on my ear phones wrong. That’s when I realized that I was being paranoid. Wait, did that nurse say margarita or marijuana? Yet another reason to get my hands on those Willie ponies. Surely, they’d know. Anyway, every 15 minutes or so, they came to check on many and since I was doing well, they would increase the amount I was getting. I didn’t have any problems at all. (Well, with the exception of being loopy.) So we were all done, Kevin and I packed up our stuff, scheduled all of my treatments for June and headed out for a bite.
Oh yes, I almost forgot. My comment earlier about time to stop working before I do something stupid well I did stop working but about two hours ago, I sent a text message to my sister and the convo went like this:
Me: Willie cut his ponies off!
Her: LOL!
Me: Why are you loling? That doesn’t make you sad!?
Then I realized that the text message had not gone to my sister but to a professional contact of mine whose name also begins with a D. I quickly explained and he’s a cool cat so he got a good chuckle. I’m just thankful I didn’t use some of the names my sister and I lovingly call each other like “Bitch Face.” That would have required more splainin Lucy!
Love to all!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Dear Cancer, Now You've Just Pissed Me Off!
So my fourth and final round of AC, not so great. I ended up in the ER Friday night. I felt great Thursday and most of the day Friday but about 4pm on Friday, I started getting really tired and my stomach started cramping some. So when Kevin got home, I had some soup, regular meds, and anti-nausea meds then I went upstairs and was asleep by 6pm. Didn’t hear him put the kids to bed and I didn’t hear my parents and Aunt get here. And at 9pm the fun began. I threw up so I texted Kevin to bring me some crushed ice and 7-up. (That’s what we do in my house, we text each other. Silly I know but it works.) So up he came with my drink. No fever. Stomach cramping. Body aching. Will try to go back to sleep. 10pm threw up again. Texted Kevin. It was decided to call doctor and see what they suggest. Anti-nausea meds not doing their job at this point. My oncologist called back within 10 minutes and told Kevin to take me to ER for fluids and to get checked out. I didn’t feel like moving much less getting in the car and driving to the ER on a Friday night but I knew I would just continue to feel worse if I didn’t. Luckily, mom was able to stay here with the kids while Kevin, Dad and Aunty Sissy went to the ER with me. Throw up again in Kevin’s truck on the way to the hospital. When we get there, they get us back right away and get me set up for the fluids. I now have a slight fever of 101.5. Throw up two more times while waiting for anti-nausea meds to start coursing through my veins. Very dehydrated by this time. And very tired. Doctor comes in and does his assessment. Blood work showed my WBC was very high which he believes may either be an infection or the result of the Neulasta shot I have to have the day after chemo to help my white cells grow to fight infection. But he is concerned it is so high it is probably infection. Suckage. Sets me up for chest xray to check lungs and heart and CT scan to check my belly since it was a little tender when he pushed on it. Which is probably from me throwing up five times in two hours but as always, let’s check to be on the safe side. There was talk of admitting me which really made me sad. But both of those tests came back good and the fluids and anti-nausea meds did their trick and soon I was feeling better. The ER doctor called the doctor on call for my oncologist who suggested giving me an Rx for a different anti-nausea med and an anti-biotic just to be on the safe side. If I could show them I could hold down Tylenol for the fever and the anti-biotic, they would let me go home and I wouldn’t have to be admitted. YES! Come on tummy, don’t fail me now. It worked; I was able to keep it down so we got home sometime between 3-4 am. Slept most of Saturday and still feeling pretty crappy today but not nauseous so rest should do the trick.
So, here is what really pissed me off and got me “mad dog mean”. (Another quote from one of my favorite cancer ass kickers.) I’ve read several times and don’t know who originally said it and I am paraphrasing but they are right on: Cancer sometimes tends to be harder on those who love us than it is on the patient itself. The first time I saw the look in my husband and sister’s eyes when I got sick after round two I knew what that meant. The absolute hopelessness they feel from not being able to make be better, the worry and sadness in their eyes that they can’t hide no matter how hard they try. And this weekend, bastard cancer made my parent’s see me sick and I saw the same looks of despair on their faces. I can’t even come close to know what it feels like having a spouse, sibling, parent, or child with cancer and I obviously pray I never do. I don’t think I would handle that as well as having cancer myself. So cancer has that against it but then it made me miss my nephew Nolan’s sixth birthday party. And when he called me that afternoon to thank me for the present and then he said, “I wish you could have been here”, I had to fight hard so he wouldn’t hear his Aunt Turtle cry. Mad dog mean all over again. I know there will be other parties and as soon as I feel better I am taking him out to make up for the fun and celebrating I missed but I wanted to be there. This was the first “real” thing I had to miss due to cancer and its bastard self. It’s going to take me a while to get over this one. But you know what? The fuel to kick this cancer’s ass is stronger than ever.
I will end on a good note. The adorable man, Mr. Mike, who performed my CT Scan asked what type of cancer I have and when I told him he said, “Well, I am very sorry and I know this chemo is making you miserable but sweetheart, it must be doing a great job because I can’t even see any lesions in that area with the CT Scan.” How’s that for telling cancer to suck it!?
Love to all.
So, here is what really pissed me off and got me “mad dog mean”. (Another quote from one of my favorite cancer ass kickers.) I’ve read several times and don’t know who originally said it and I am paraphrasing but they are right on: Cancer sometimes tends to be harder on those who love us than it is on the patient itself. The first time I saw the look in my husband and sister’s eyes when I got sick after round two I knew what that meant. The absolute hopelessness they feel from not being able to make be better, the worry and sadness in their eyes that they can’t hide no matter how hard they try. And this weekend, bastard cancer made my parent’s see me sick and I saw the same looks of despair on their faces. I can’t even come close to know what it feels like having a spouse, sibling, parent, or child with cancer and I obviously pray I never do. I don’t think I would handle that as well as having cancer myself. So cancer has that against it but then it made me miss my nephew Nolan’s sixth birthday party. And when he called me that afternoon to thank me for the present and then he said, “I wish you could have been here”, I had to fight hard so he wouldn’t hear his Aunt Turtle cry. Mad dog mean all over again. I know there will be other parties and as soon as I feel better I am taking him out to make up for the fun and celebrating I missed but I wanted to be there. This was the first “real” thing I had to miss due to cancer and its bastard self. It’s going to take me a while to get over this one. But you know what? The fuel to kick this cancer’s ass is stronger than ever.
I will end on a good note. The adorable man, Mr. Mike, who performed my CT Scan asked what type of cancer I have and when I told him he said, “Well, I am very sorry and I know this chemo is making you miserable but sweetheart, it must be doing a great job because I can’t even see any lesions in that area with the CT Scan.” How’s that for telling cancer to suck it!?
Love to all.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Mama Said Knock You Out
I am sitting in the chair waiting on my fourth and final AC treatment! Mama's ready to knock it out! I am very excited about this for multiple reasons. First and foremost, this is the first thing that has been completed in my treatment. I can check something off the list now. For those that know me well, you know that means I can strike through the text in my Excel spreadsheet. Oh how I like my Excel spreadsheets. Also, the next treatment in store for me isn’t supposed to be as mean. Well, that’s what they keep telling me anyway but then they say stuff like, “you will feel like you have the flu for a couple of days a week” or “sometimes people don’t make it through the whole 12 treatments so we have to cut back to 10 because it’s too rough on them.” But I think the reason the Taxol is supposed to be nicer is because it typically doesn’t mess with your blood count and it doesn’t usually make people sick to their stomachs. That is a big plus if I ever heard one! One of the major things the oncologist told me this morning that they look for is numbness or tingling in hand and feet. If you catch it early enough, they can control it. However, it is one of the only things that can be permanent from the chemo. No worries, they watch me like a hawk anyway. I didn’t get sick from the third round so we scheduled fluids for next week just like we did with round three so keep your fingers crossed it works this time too!
Some great news is that we can’t even feel the tumor anymore. The chemo has shrunk the tumor tremendously. Of course, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t there but it does mean the chemo is working and that is something to be thankful for. My oncologist and I are both anxious to see what the pathology results are like when they do the bilateral mastectomy.
We had a great weekend this past weekend. Kevin and I celebrated six years of our fabulous marriage. I asked him if he ever thought we would celebrate our six year anniversary with two kids and both of us being bald. Man, when that man said “in sickness and in health”, he really meant it. What a trooper he has been and continues to be. I’m a lucky lucky woman. Anyway, we celebrated by having a fabulous dinner at Trulucks and then finished off with Kevin Fowler at an outdoor show. It was great. Then Sunday morning, we got up, went and had breakfast and bought bikes and a trailer to pull the kids in. It is so much fun and the kids love it. They are super cute in their little helmets. Kevin even started riding his bike to work a few times a week. That is about a six mile round trip. Very proud of him!
Love to all!
Some great news is that we can’t even feel the tumor anymore. The chemo has shrunk the tumor tremendously. Of course, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t there but it does mean the chemo is working and that is something to be thankful for. My oncologist and I are both anxious to see what the pathology results are like when they do the bilateral mastectomy.
We had a great weekend this past weekend. Kevin and I celebrated six years of our fabulous marriage. I asked him if he ever thought we would celebrate our six year anniversary with two kids and both of us being bald. Man, when that man said “in sickness and in health”, he really meant it. What a trooper he has been and continues to be. I’m a lucky lucky woman. Anyway, we celebrated by having a fabulous dinner at Trulucks and then finished off with Kevin Fowler at an outdoor show. It was great. Then Sunday morning, we got up, went and had breakfast and bought bikes and a trailer to pull the kids in. It is so much fun and the kids love it. They are super cute in their little helmets. Kevin even started riding his bike to work a few times a week. That is about a six mile round trip. Very proud of him!
Love to all!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Updates, Updates and More Updates
So I had the third of four bad boy chemo treatments last week. That means only one more of those guys left! YES! I am told that the next treatments (given weekly for 12 weeks) shouldn’t be so mean. All though, I think I’ve been pretty lucky with the side effects. Some down days for sure but they don’t last and that is lucky! I’m waiting to see how round three is going to treat me. Rounds one and two hit me about a week after treatment with round two being meaner than round one. However, the fab docs switched my anti nausea meds that they give me before treatment and these are supposed to last longer. They also went ahead and scheduled fluids for me when I go in tomorrow for my normal check in and lab work. The fluids last time were a huge help.
I met with another plastic surgeon last week. I loved him. He’s my boob man for sure. He was so informative and a huge help. However, much to my chagrin, he did suggest holding off on reconstruction until after radiation. Not what I wanted to hear but after listening to his expert opinion, I do agree. So, I’ll be boob-less for a while, there are worse things. That means the rest of treatment should go like this: finish chemo, bilateral mastectomy, radiation and then reconstruction.
The plastic surgeon hooked me up with a wonderful lady who is almost done with the reconstruction phase. I left his office and she was ringing my cell not 30 minutes later. We connected instantly and talked for about 45 minutes like we were old friends. She had a ton of great information to give me and couldn’t say enough about his work. She also connected me with two groups here in Austin. So far, I have only joined one but plan on joining the second when things slow down a little. The group is called the Pink Ribbon Cowgirls and it is a support group for young women (yep, I’m still considered young!!) with breast cancer. They have social events and meetings. So far, I have only utilized their forums on line which are great. They are an affiliate of the Breast Cancer Resource Center here in Austin which is just a fab organization.
Kevin and I met with the Radiation Oncologist yesterday. Once again, we are blessed with a great doctor. He’s a funny little man and I know we will get along just fine. We learned that my radiation will consist of 33 treatments. I will go everyday (weekends excluded) for 6.5 weeks. Doesn’t that sound fun? The actual radiation itself only takes about 4 minutes but when you include drive time, waiting time, changing time, and all that good stuff, I’m guessing half a morning or afternoon will be lost. He said the side effects will mainly be skin irritation, kind of like a sun burn. He said some people complain of fatigue but his chemo patients say it is nothing compared to the fatigue of chemo.
Wonderful blessing just continue to happen on this journey for me. As I stated above and many times before, I have met so many wonderful people and the wonderful people already in my life have gone above and beyond the call of duty to help my family and I out. Just last week, I received a package in the mail. Inside was a fabulous “Fight Like a Girl” t-shirt. No return address and no note. I have no idea who it came from but what a great thing for someone to do. Things like that make you realize that something that someone might consider a “little gesture” can actually be a very big gesture on the receiving end. If everyone did something “little” for someone else even on a monthly basis, think of the happiness that would bring!
Love to everyone!
I met with another plastic surgeon last week. I loved him. He’s my boob man for sure. He was so informative and a huge help. However, much to my chagrin, he did suggest holding off on reconstruction until after radiation. Not what I wanted to hear but after listening to his expert opinion, I do agree. So, I’ll be boob-less for a while, there are worse things. That means the rest of treatment should go like this: finish chemo, bilateral mastectomy, radiation and then reconstruction.
The plastic surgeon hooked me up with a wonderful lady who is almost done with the reconstruction phase. I left his office and she was ringing my cell not 30 minutes later. We connected instantly and talked for about 45 minutes like we were old friends. She had a ton of great information to give me and couldn’t say enough about his work. She also connected me with two groups here in Austin. So far, I have only joined one but plan on joining the second when things slow down a little. The group is called the Pink Ribbon Cowgirls and it is a support group for young women (yep, I’m still considered young!!) with breast cancer. They have social events and meetings. So far, I have only utilized their forums on line which are great. They are an affiliate of the Breast Cancer Resource Center here in Austin which is just a fab organization.
Kevin and I met with the Radiation Oncologist yesterday. Once again, we are blessed with a great doctor. He’s a funny little man and I know we will get along just fine. We learned that my radiation will consist of 33 treatments. I will go everyday (weekends excluded) for 6.5 weeks. Doesn’t that sound fun? The actual radiation itself only takes about 4 minutes but when you include drive time, waiting time, changing time, and all that good stuff, I’m guessing half a morning or afternoon will be lost. He said the side effects will mainly be skin irritation, kind of like a sun burn. He said some people complain of fatigue but his chemo patients say it is nothing compared to the fatigue of chemo.
Wonderful blessing just continue to happen on this journey for me. As I stated above and many times before, I have met so many wonderful people and the wonderful people already in my life have gone above and beyond the call of duty to help my family and I out. Just last week, I received a package in the mail. Inside was a fabulous “Fight Like a Girl” t-shirt. No return address and no note. I have no idea who it came from but what a great thing for someone to do. Things like that make you realize that something that someone might consider a “little gesture” can actually be a very big gesture on the receiving end. If everyone did something “little” for someone else even on a monthly basis, think of the happiness that would bring!
Love to everyone!
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