My Sister's New Ink

Anyone that knows my sister and I know how close we are.  To say we are best friends is an understatement.  Well, she recently went above and beyond (as usual) and got a new tat to honor me.  Below is her explanation of it's meaning and a pic of my beautiful hip sister and her new ink.  Love you Doodle!


Lotus:  Lotus flowers are amazing and have strong symbolic ties to many Asian religions especially throughout India. The lotus flower starts as a small flower down at the bottom of a pond in the mud and muck. It slowly grows up towards the waters surface continually moving towards the light. Once it come to the surface of the water the lotus flower begins to blossom and turn into a beautiful flower. Within Hinduism and Buddhism the lotus flower has become a symbol for awakening to the spiritual reality of life. The meaning varies slightly between the two religions of course but essentially both religious traditions place importance on the lotus flower.

Turtle: Turtles are fascinating creatures. Their thick shells keep them safe from predators and provide them shelter, and they are known to reach ages that far surpass even humans. Polynesian and Hawaiian turtle tattoos are very common. Within these cultures, the turtle represents the calmness and tranquility that their cultures are known for. In other cultures, the turtle can represent bravery, endurance, wisdom, perseverance, safety, or longevity.

My New Ink:  Crystal has been Turtle for years now and although I tell people that we call her that cause it takes her forever to do anything, the nickname started with a sweet little baby cousin trying to say Crystal.  After reading what the turtle symbolizes, it occurred to me; maybe the little guy was on to something and maybe that’s why it stuck.  I have always loved the lotus flower and the beauty it represents.  I look at the lotus flower as a symbol of what we should all strive to be.  Never have I known someone who has met my sister to deny the fact that she is a strong, beautiful and independent woman, nor have I.  As many know, recently she has been challenged with the unfair battle of breast cancer, one that could devour a person’s will if they allow it.  Not my sister.  Not a chance.  Words cannot describe how far beyond strong, beautiful and independent Crystal is and how she has proven that in the last few weeks.  She is my lotus.  She is my Turtle!  The impact she has had on my own life in this moment will never be forgotten- hence, my new ink.       

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!!!!

 UPDATE:  I've been told I confused people with this post.  To clarify, I am not cancer free.  The cancer is still in my left breast.  (Though much smaller so rejoice in that!)  The spot on my right breast was found in an MRI after my diganosis and yesterdsay is was determined that it wasn't cancer.  So, still be happy and thankful that there is no cancer in the right breast!  Sorry for the confusion

I went in today for the MRI guided biopsy of the spot the breast MRI found about a month and a half ago and guess what? It was gone!! As in no longer there! So they didn’t have to do the biopsy after all. How awesome is that?! The doctor said that sometimes hormonal changes cause spots to show up and then they disappear. I think that is what they have to say because they can’t say that all of the prayers everyone is sending my way are working!


Again, everyone I dealt with there was fabulous. This was actually a location of Austin Radiological Association that I had never been to before. It’s about the fifth location I have been t o and I always have a great experience with the staff. This doctor was no exception. I could actually see honest compassion and concern in his eyes as he came into the room to tell me what to expect and then honest elation when he was able to tell me nothing was there anymore.

For those of you who have never had a breast MRI before, it feels sort of like you are a car on one of those racks going in for service. Seriously. You lay down on your stomach, put your boobs though two little holes which they then compress and then the table lifts up and moves you into the MRI machine. You have to be completely still until the whole thing is done. About 30-45 minutes. About half way through is when your nose starts itching or when you realize your panties have somehow inched their way up your hiney even though you haven’t moved. Well, maybe that last one is just me. It’s not bad and doesn’t hurt (remember I didn’t have to do the biopsy after all) but the whole thing is a little comical.

So today was a good day. But as one of my favorite cancer ass kickers taught me, everyday above the ground is a good day. Indeed it is Mr. Flippo. Indeed it is.

So go hug someone you love, high five a stranger (please don’t get those two confused as I will not be held responsible for any assault charges), dance around, laugh uncontrollably, and just do something really silly.

Love to all.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways. -- Anonymous

When I first met with my oncologists, one of the first things I asked is what I needed to do differently with my diet. Her response was, “Nothing.” Then she said, “There is nothing you did that caused you to get breast cancer. But there will be people who will tell you otherwise. Just ignore them. Continue to do what you do.” I like that. I would have liked it better if she told me to tell them all to suck it but whatever.


I consider myself a healthy person. The healthiest? Of course not. But I eat plenty of veggies, whole grains, mostly all organic, hormone free and all that hype. And I walk 3-4 miles a day while pushing 50 pounds of stroller and babies 4-5 times a week. Do I eat fast food occasionally? Yep. Do I do other things that aren’t good for me? Gasp, yep. Do I think that gave me cancer. See oncologist’s response above.

There is a lot of talk about research and cancer causing elements and cancer fighting foods and truthfully it is just overwhelming. I read blogs and forums and so many cancer patients change everything about themselves and their lifestyles when they find out they have cancer. For example, one breast cancer patient blogged about not eating Halloween candy with her kids because she “didn’t put that stuff in her body anymore.” Well, more power to her and I won’t judge her but you won’t catch me doing that. Cancer will not keep in from sitting on the floor on Halloween night and going through Kaia and Caleb’s candy and eating some with them.

Another woman blogged about how people look at you and the not so smart things they sometimes ask or say when they find out you have cancer. Her particular situation involved a complete stranger at a store who just happened to hear her saying something about having breast cancer to her friend. He turned to her and actually said, “Wow, you are so young. What did you do? Drink a lot of sodas? Use Sweet’N Low?” She said she wanted to say, “Yes, I pour 100 packets of Sweet’ N Low in my mouth daily. I am a horrible person and that is why I have cancer.” But instead she politely said, “No.” and walked away. I wonder what I would do in that situation. Would I say, “Actually, I just rubbed the Sweet’N Low on my boobs.” Or would I react like she did? We all know that I would act just like she did. And then I’d come home crying to Kevin about how one of the hardest parts about having cancer is people thinking something you did caused it. And then he’d say something like, I don’t know why you let it bother you, you know better than that. And then I would realize he is right and it would be over. Until it happens again. Eventually maybe that will get easier.

So what do you do with all of this research and studies regarding cancer and cause of and prevention of and blah blah blah? Well, you do what you want. I won’t tell you what to do and I won’t judge. To each his own. Me, I’ll take it all with a grain of salt. Or should that be sea salt? I read them and I shrug. For example, one recent study I read boasted eating broccoli as a prevention and cure for breast cancer in particular. Guess whose favorite food is broccoli? You guessed it, your favorite little blogger with breast cancer. Same thing for spinach, cilantro, peppers, avocado, tomatoes, and the flax seed I sprinkle on my food, and the list goes on. Sometimes you just get cancer. Sometimes there is no blatant reason why. And you can apply that to anything in life. Not just cancer.

So what is my reason for today’s blog? I really don’t know. Just continuing to share my thoughts as I make my way through this journey. So don’t read too much into it. Hey, just treat it like I do research studies!

Love to all.

Did anybody get the license plate of the truck that hit me?

Ba-dum-dum-ching.


So there I was just sailing along, thinking I was handling this chemo business just fine when chemo said, “Uh, no, not so fast biatch! I’m gonna knock you down a notch woman!” And boy did it.

Tuesday morning started just as normal as always. I got up and got ready to go into the office for a couple of hours while the kids go to school. We came down stairs and had breakfast. Then I started getting lunches and such ready and BOOM the first wave of nausea hit. No sooner than I recovered from that one, another one hit. Ok, new plan, I’ll take kids to school, come home and take some meds and rest. I picked up the phone to let Kevin know what was going on and as I was telling him, here come the dry heaves. “Stay put and I’ll come get the kids.” He said. Yea, my hero! I’ll continue to get the kids ready so he can grab them and go like fast food I think to myself as I pop an anti-nausea pill that will knock me out in about an hour. “Mommy, I have to go poo poo!” You’re kidding right? Now? Really, Kaia? Yep, really. So, I put Kaia on the potty and go back into the kitchen to get Caleb out of his high chair and dressed. Oh, what is that smell? Caleb’s diaper. For those of you who have not had the privilege of changing a poopy Caleb diaper, he is the smelliest, grossest baby on the planet. And I say that with all the love in my heart. Well, sorry Caleb, I can’t handle this right now. Crawl around on the floor try not to sit on your hiney please. I know, gross and neglectful but he was smiling the whole time so he didn’t care. Plus Kevin literally works like 10 minutes away. It wasn’t like it was hours. Oh yea, time to go finish up with Kaia. I’ll spare you details but I was able to get through that just fine and I got her dressed just in time for Kevin to walk through the door. He changed Caleb and out the door they went. To the couch I went. Waves of nausea would come and go all day but like I said the anti-nausea meds knock me out so I slept through most of it. Kevin and the kids came home and went to bed without me really even noticing.

Well, if I thought Tuesday was bad, Chemo let me know Wednesday morning that it was just getting started. Kevin brought the kids downstairs and took one look at me lying on the couch (I sleep on the couch when I am sick, don’t know why) and said, “I’m working from home today.” I think I might have mumbled something and then got up to throw up. On a side note, have I mentioned how wonderful Heatwave Interactive is to us? Kevin and I both work with them. Yes, I said with them not for them. That is how you feel when you work for such incredible people. Kevin started there when I was pregnant with Kaia so they have been through both pregnancies and now this nonsense and they just keep growing more supportive. We are truly blessed to work with such wonderful people. So back to the couch I go. I have never felt this hideous in my life. Of course, you know you always say that until the next time you have never felt so hideous. But I think this has truly been the worst ever. At some point that day and I’m not sure when, my sister came over and picked up the kids to stay the night at her house. I vaguely remember trying to fight them on that a little. “No Doodle, you have school.” “Its fine Turtle, I will drop them off at Wanna Play and make it to school on time.” “You don’t know how to drop them off.” “I bet I can figure it out.” Ok, I admit defeat. They’ll have more fun over there anyway. Love you guys, behave and all that stuff. Sigh. I’m going back to sleep. No you’re not, you need to go shower for your doctor’s appointment. Do I really need to shower, Kevin? Do I smell that bad? Here smell my pits. “Go shower baby. It will make you feel better.” Fine. Defeated again. Shower, throw up, and shower again. Next thing I know, Kevin and I are sitting at Texas Oncology and I am getting fluids and anti-nausea meds through my port. Aww, sweet relief. I literally felt like a plant that had been neglected only to receive a nice afternoon rain shower and perk back up again. (Right now my plants are going, if you know what it feels like come water us woman!) While there, we learned that my white blood cell count was .4. Almost nonexistent. Well, that would explain the past two days. It was decided that the MRI guided biopsy I had scheduled for Thursday would be postponed for another week to let my count get back up. Don’t want to cut me open when I can’t fight off infection. My oncologist also thought it would be a good idea to give me next week off from chemo to let my body recover from this rough round. Fabulouso! I’m all about that plan. Wait, that means that I will be done with this Chemo business a week later than planned. That sucks. Oh, well, minor setback I can easily get over. Came home and actually ate a little and then guess what I did? You guessed, slept.

Thursday, Doodle dropped the kids off at school without any issues and Kevin went into work. Guess what I did? Hey, you’re catching on! Slept all day. This is the day the bone aches started. The shot they give me the day after chemo to boost my white blood cells does that. It’s my bone marrow working overtime to make white blood cells. So though it felt like my bones were shattering into a million pieces, I welcomed the pain if that meant my body was making white blood cells. Well, I welcomed it with some pain killers to take the edge off.

So here we are on Friday. I feel much better than the past three days for sure but not quite there yet. I forced Kevin out the door this morning but he some how caught on to my plan of just making it through the day and came home to work. 

You know when you see those commercials for some sort of medicine for some disease that you have never heard of and when you hear the side effects, you go, “wow, is that the cure or the disease?!” That’s what chemo reminds me of. It is certainly the lesser of the two evils (hmm cancer or chemo, cancer or chemo?) and I welcome its inconvenience for the short time I need it to kick this cancer’s ass.

So there you go. Things got ugly. But we knew that was coming. So, no worries. We just keep on a trucking through this until we reach the end and look back and say, “Hey, that wasn’t so bad. I wouldn’t want to do it again but it wasn’t too bad.”

Love to all.

I'm Bringing Sexy Back!

The hair is gone and it feels awesome! I didn’t get the big Mohawk I wanted but I got a miniature one and we had a ton of fun at the head shaving. Pictures below:  Doodle kissing my fuzzy head, Finished Fuzzy Head, Mini Mohawk (Rock On!), Me and Mom, and then Me and Pat with the final wig! (I tried to put them in a better order but it didn't work out!)  I am really enjoying my fuzzy head. My showers are still taking a little longer than they should because I like the way my head feels when I take it out of the water and it dries really quick and cools off. But once I get used to it, I’ll stop playing. Maybe…
Kaia asked me all the time now, “Can I see you with your hair off?” Then she’ll ask, “Are you mommy or daddy?” She asked Gigi to take her hair off too and then asked if she could take her own hair off. Note to self: Keep scissors even more hidden than usual. She has also adopted the Styrofoam head that my wig came with. The wig is called the Erica so Kaia named the head Miss Erica. She colored in her eyes and lips and sleeps with it. It is very creepy but sort of sweet.

So far the second round of chemo is treating me ok. No sickness. Not as many headaches this time either which is good. As with the first, the tiredness kicked in on day three which was yesterday. I’m pretty tired today as well but it doesn’t seem as bad as last time. Hopefully, rest today will make it even better. I hated resting last time because it was so beautiful out but today is it so crappy the couch and movies are calling my name!

My mom once again cleaned my house top to bottom this weekend. She even shampooed the carpets! It is such a relief not to worry about cleaning! Dad planted some tomato and bell pepper plants for me. I can’t wait to eat out of my own garden. Kaia and I have completely redone most of the landscaping in the front yard and it was so therapeutic so my mini garden will be a long term project I can work on. And eat from!

Love to all.

A Lesson in Kindness & Acceptance

One of the major life lessons I want to teach Kaia and Caleb is kindness and acceptance. Be kind to others, help people however and whenever you can and be accepting of all people no matter how they differ from you in appearance, lifestyle or beliefs. Kevin and I are believers in teaching by doing. (Oh boy, have we learned how that really works since Kaia cusses like Betty White now. She knows all the bad words and she’s not afraid to use them. And use them correctly at that. We are working on fixing that little issue.) Anyway, Kevin and I often try to show them that we are kind and accepting of others.


We accept others by not judging people who differ from us. Simple as that. People may believe in different things than we do, they may do things different than we do; they may live different than we do and of course people may look different than we do but none of that changes the way we act around them or treat them. Are there people who will judge us for the way we live, believe, and look? Of course but we stay true to ourselves by accepting them for their beliefs about us anyway. Ah, see the trick is remembering we can’t change the way they see us in their mind and shouldn’t try but we can certainly make sure it doesn’t darken our hearts.

Kevin and I try to show the kids our kindness by of course just being nice. We also do other things like having our “random acts of kindness” at restaurants. (Yes, I know the name doesn’t really make a lot of sense but go with it!) That is when we leave the waiter or waitress with a larger tip than usual with a kind note of thanks and run like heck before they realize it. I used to volunteer (alas I say “used to” because that is something I have not done in a while but plan to pick up again soon) and we donate goods and money to non-profits throughout the year. My favorite story lately happened back in October, months before my diagnosis. On a Saturday afternoon, we went to have a mid afternoon family outing at a local restaurant. It so happened they were having a campaign to raise money for breast cancer awareness. Everything was covered in beautiful pink and there were fantastic signs that read “Big or Small, Save them All!” and “Save Second Base!” The pressure to donate to the cause was minimal if at all but we decided this would be our non-profit of choice for our next donation. So, we donated the amount that would provide a low income woman with no insurance a free mammogram. We also provided our waitress with a “random act of kindness” donation. I had forgotten about that day until one day shortly after I learned I had breast cancer, I open my jewelry box and saw the pink ribbon pin I received from our waitress that day. Seeing that ribbon made my heart smile at the good Karma I was receiving. We had showed our support for “the cause” that day and now friends, family and strangers were showing huge support for us and our new battle. I wear that pin now not only as a symbol of breast cancer awareness but as a reminder to myself of the support that surrounds me.

So why did I feel the need to write and post this? It is because I have realized that I was failing to provide an important part of the above two lessons to my children. It is the part that you have all taught me in the last month. Kevin and I have just been overwhelmed at the acceptance and kindness we have received in the past month. Those words don’t come close to doing our feelings or your acts justice but I don’t think there are words that do. It was over the weekend when I received an email of a fabulous gift that I realized that I haven’t been showing my children that it is ok to be on the side that needs the acceptance and kindness every now and then. You take that help and love, use it to fuel your fight whatever that may be and soon you will be able to pass that help and love on to someone else who needs it. You are all my fuel for this fight and I want you to know that I am not only grateful for your kindness and generosity but for the lessons I can now show my children.

Love to all.

The Incredible Shrinking Tumor

Hip Hip Horray! I have a shrinking squishy tumor! The chemo is already starting to do its evil magic! The nurse and oncologist were thrilled with the results! Both threw their hands in the air and yelled “Squishy Boobies!” when they felt it. Never thought that I would want my boobies described as “squishy”. (Oh, quick story they told me last week. A girl about my age would come in wearing Mardi Gras beads to her appointments. She said if so many people were going to see her boobies, she was going to wear some beads! I love that story!)


My lab work showed that my white blood cell count was down from 7 last week to 2.3 this week which we knew would happen. The chemo kills the cancer but also kills healthy cells as well. The normal range for females is 4.8-10.8 but they weren’t frightened by the 2.3. At least there are still some cells in there fighting off infection. The rest of the blood work was good.

We also officially staged the cancer as a Stage IIIA. I know several of you have been asking that. They assured me that I will still beat it! Like we ever doubted??

In other news, chemo took on a whole new level of suck on Tuesday and Wednesday. For the most part I have felt fine and I am so grateful for that but Tuesday and Wednesday I felt very crappy. (“Crappy” by the way is the medical term the nurse and I used today to describe it. I’m learning so much from those people!) I, however, have not been nauseous and I would much rather feel crappy than be nauseous. Kevin has been a champ helping me rest and waiting on me. He may not understand how chocolate covered peanut butter candy help me feel better but he gets them for me anyway. Oh my gosh, the eating! Have I mentioned that yet? I am eating like a mad woman. No loss of appetite here yet. I’m told it is the steroids that I have to take three days after chemo that is causing that. It’s worse than when I was pregnant. (That’s right, watch out white powdered donuts and chocolate milk!)

We wish everyone a very happy Easter!

Love to all!